Wednesday, January 02, 2008

New Year

New Year's Resolution #1 - Try to post more often and on time!

But what fun is making New Year's resolutions for yourself? It only ends in disappointment and shame when you don't follow through, and let's be honest, how many of us really keep up with them after the first week? So - I've decided that this week's theme is writing resolutions for other people. It can be people you know, people you don't, celebrities, pets, whatever. (This was actually inspired in part by something done in Sunday school, where there was a top 10 list of resolutions for fictional characters). I figured this would be a nice fun, easy post for us to do - as many will probably be hung over tomorrow (and maybe a day or two after depending on the binges going on tonight)

These are in no particular order

10. Tom Hanks: Will play some truly despicable character. One that has no redeeming quality that ultimately makes the audience like him anyways.


9. Tim Burton: Will cast someone other than Johnny Depp in next movie. (Don't get me wrong - I love Johnny Depp, but there has to be some other actor that can pull off weird, dark, and brooding!)

8. Jessica Simpson: Will have vocal chords removed to prevent any further butchering of perfectly lovely songs. (I practically had a stroke every time I heard her rendition of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" while I was shopping) Everyone just watches her on mute anyway, right?

7. Neil Gaiman - Will finish and print new book! (No pressure Neil - you're worth the wait!)

6. Britney Spears and anyone related to Britney Spears (through marriage and blood) - Will have vasectomy/hysterectomy to keep from further polluting and dragging down the gene pool.

5. Han Solo: Will change name to not sound like a euphemism for masturbation. And maybe bag a chick other than one that is incestuous/has pastries for hair.

4. Stephen Colbert : Will try to reign it in a little - there is such a thing as being too funny. (Who am I kidding? No there's not!)

3. Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt: Will try to adopt the whole of Africa and Asia by the end of the year. As well as singlehandedly rebuilding New Orleans (they're going to need somplace to put all of those kids).

2. Steve Jobs : Will try to come out with technology people can actually afford to buy right away, rather than 3 years down the line when something better has come out. (Oh - but keep making the Mac vs. PC commercials - love 'em!)

1. The Shins - Will try to get back into the independent music scene - they are too good for the general population to enjoy. ( I almost puked when I heard one of their songs playing in Burger King one day)

Ok, so a pathetic attempt at humor. I'm sick - again, so it's a little sub-par. For those of you not feeling this particular topic, why not take Sean's suggestion and make predictions for the coming year.

2 comments:

John from said...

10. Watch his guest spot on Happy Days when he was out for revenge against the Fonz. "Happy Days"
A Little Case of Revenge

9. If Johnny Depp can play a teenage boy at this stage of his career in Tim Burton's "The Spook's Apprentice," he will be the greatest actor of all-time.

John from Daejeon said...

5. You might want to read "The Han Solo Adventures" by Brian Daley to learn about this scruffy nerfherder's earlier adventures. There are actually quite a few more books pertaining to Han Solo, but these ones start the journey off.