Some more storying UPDATE

Well, my post will definitely be late, because I have to write a story for fiction workshop tomorrow and I don't think I can double up. But here's the stuff for Jen.

Genre: Western
Prop: Frilly pink feather duster
Line: Get started, cow poke. This vest ain't gonna knit itself.


THE STORY OF THE BIG SCARY MURDER MAN WITH AN AXE OR SOMETHING AT A SUMMER CAMP, BUT DURING WINTER TIME WHEN NOBODY IS SUPPOSED TO BE AROUND

Well, Jim and Sally were in high school and decided to take a break up at the old lake during midnight. By take a break I mean do it, because that's what high school kids do at lakes around midnight. By it I mean have sex. Anyway, it was winter time and the lake was on the property of a summer time camp, so they knew nobody would be around to spy on them or yell at them or take compromising photos of them to post on the internet again. So that put them right in the mood when they good to the spooky dark lake. (PS - Literary term: by using the word "spooky," I am employing a device that is known as foreshadowing).

So they started making out and getting naked (for description of this see Stephanie's story below but then imagine it's in a car at a lake and it is way more awkward and one or more parties largely goes unfulfilled).

"Gee whilikers," said Sally, "We better get rid of this used condom."

"Well for fuck's sake, throw it out the motherfucking window or some shit," said Jim. Jim was known for his hatred of all people.

Sally, listening to Jim, threw the used condom out of the window. Unfortunately, it landed on an open grave of a killer, totally pissing off the ghost because it fell in the eye socket of his skeleton. Yeah, I know it doesn't make much sense that there is a graveyard right next to the lake, or that Jim and Sally parked there, but let's just pretend it was the olden days and everybody was way stupid. I mean, the olden days when they had the internet. Anyway, the killers body rose up all messed up and skeletal, but then it reformed like in that Freddy movie after the dog pees fire on his skeleton in the junkyard. (PS - literary term: referencing another work of literature in this work of literature is called an 'allusion.')

So the body came back to life and was way pissed. Also, he was super strong and was like 8 feet tall. And on his way out of the afterlife he grabbed an axe's ghost which was also regenerated. The axe became a ghost whenever a strong man broke it over his knee in a strong man competition. But that's a story for another day.

"Who dares awaken my eternal slumber by throwing a used contraceptive device into my eye socket?" asked the big mean murderer.

"Oh my golly!" said Sally.

"Who the fuck wants to know, motherfucker?" asked Jim politely.

"'Tis I, the ghost of Ron Tommy Tom, the man who murdered sixty-four pioneers in pioneer times, arose from the dead first in the Civil war and murdered a hundred confederate soldiers after a used sheep intestine condom was flung into my empty skull, and then came back from the dead again in gangster times to kill gangsters with Elliot Ness. But that wasn't for a condom related reason. It was just for fun," said Ron Tommy Tom.

"Yakkity Yak, don't talk back, you blabbing son of a bitch!" said Jim. Ron Tommy Tom then ripped the side door off the car and with the axe ghost chopped Jim in half, sending bits of liver and blood all over Sally, including into her mouth.

"Yuk!" said Sally. "If only I had my toothbrush!"

"Shut thy cake hole, wench!" said Ron Tommy Tom.

"Wait," said Sally, "are you from pioneer times or Shakespeare times?"

"Uhh, shut it! Meet thy doom!" Ron Tommy Tom raised the axe blade again, but luckily Sally had her Tek-9 with her and whipped it around, facing Ron Tommy Tom's face.

"Gosh, you motherfucking fuck, eat lead," offered Sally. Then she shot him a bunch and he died, because the bullets were enchanted for just this kind of situation.

THE END.