Why Would a Fella Want a Girl Like Her?

Rejection.

Everyone has gone through it at some point in time or another. It could be not getting a part in a play, not getting into the school you wanted, or not being accepted society in general. To some, it’s just a fact of life and they get over it, to others it can be motivation to murder.

Doing theater and being in the arts field in general, rejection is a common occurrence. I thought I had gotten over being so upset by not getting the part I wanted. During Glass Menagerie, I had convinced myself I wasn’t going to get the lead part, and I didn’t, so it was no surprise. However, I just auditioned for Cinderella a little over two weeks ago, and it was terrible. Not my audition really - I totally aced my monologue. My song could’ve been better, but I had been singing in the tenor/baritone range for weeks because of our Easter program at church (we don’t have many guys who can read music on the Praise Team), so it had kinda messed up my normal range. Still, I thought, “Wingate (the music director) knows me, I’ve sung for him before, so he knows I’m better than that.” My sister also auditioned - we were hoping to be the stepsisters. It was really one of our only chances to be onstage together because we look so much alike. They told her what a good job she had done, and even the director (one of her professors) said so the next day. We both figured we’d at least get a callback to read again, and that was fine, even if we didn’t get the part.

Well you can imagine our shock and dismay when we didn’t even get that. I was at work all day, and they were supposed to call, but it was Kellie’s day off. Nothing. Maggie had heard at 11. As I talked to more people that’s about the time they got calls as well. Trying to rationalize, I figured that the director must have assumed that Kellie would see one of the lists they posted up on campus. (I wasn’t buying that lie, though.) With a sinking stomach, I drove to the college after work to look at the list. There were about 30 names, and ours weren’t on there. Basically almost everyone who had tried out got callbacks except for us. I called Kellie to tell her, but she wasn’t home, and instead I broke down and started crying to my mom. It was pretty pathetic. I didn’t go to church that night because I knew I wouldn’t be the best company.

I told Kellie to go to class the next morning and confront the director. Why would she tell Kellie what a good job she did, and then not give her another chance to read? Kellie couldn’t that day, because she didn’t do the assignment for that day. However, last Tuesday she went, and the director hugged her and asked her how she was. Kellie said fine, but was a little confused about what had happened. The director said that Wingate had basically taken casting out of her hands, and not given her much of a choice - which makes me really hate him now, because he knows I can sing. Granted - I damned myself by saying I wouldn’t take a part if I didn’t get one of 5 lead roles, but come on - you mean I couldn’t even be CONSIDERED for ANY of those five!

My problem is high expectations - and not just with theater. I get such grand ideas, and set myself up with such high expectations, that when I don’t reach them the whole world comes crashing down around me. I try to aim low, to expect the worse, and then get excited when something good happens, but for some reason that’s really hard for me to do. Maybe I’m more of an optimist than I thought - at least when it comes to myself and the goals I think I can reach.

So obviously this week’s theme is rejection, whether it’s a personal story or an analysis of society - have fun wallowing in your own misery.