I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man.

I have a lot of catching up to do.

First, my excuse: As everyone sort-of knows, I had a bit of a health "issue" a little while back, and it got better, then it sort of got worse again- lots of really crappy and scary tests, and a really bad, misinformed and terrifying wrong diagnosis later, and I've finally got back on my game- in fact, right now I feel better than I did when this whole thing started.

As far as the topics go:

Rejection: Not much I can go into on this one- I've never been rejected in dating, as far as asking someone out. No one has ever said "no." However, I have been cheated on, which is a bit of a rejection. But that was a high-school relationship, so there's not much that I remember about it and I'm not sure how much I cared at the time. But I will say this about things like rejection: Everything happens for a reason. I can even say that about this health crisis I just went through: March and April of this year have probably been the worst of my entire life. Yet I came through this better, stronger and clearer than I was when I was "normal" and "happy" before it happened- and it's been reflected in other areas of my life: I was just promoted at work, for the 2nd time in a matter of months. So I look back at the rejection in my past as being necessary and that outlook seems to help. The worst rejection was probably a major breakup in my life: I dated this girl, the relationship got real serious, talk of marriage, I was in love, all the right things were happening, and then it turned the corner. She was the first girl to break up with me, and she was, at that point, the most serious relationship I'd even been in. It hurt worse than just about anything I'd been through up to that point. But, it was necessary: Before I met her, I was very unhappy in my hometown and was making plans to move out. Obviously, when I was with her, I then wanted to stay. Had that relationship gone how I had wanted it to at that time (I'm thankful now that it didn't!), who knows what would have happened. Very shortly after she broke up with me, I got a great opportunity to move to southwest Florida, and the rest is, well, history.

I have some professional rejections as well: I worked at the library in Lake City for close to five years. I worked my fucking ass off at that place. I made sure I knew everything. I read the stacks of books so I could answer any question I got. I asked my superiors to give me things to do, to teach me things that were well beyond my job position and job description. I took my job more seriously than almost everyone else I worked with- I approached it as more than just something I had to do to get a paycheck, and do just enough to stay employed and get paid (a work ethic I inherited from my father, which has since paid off for me). I worked the absolute crappiest schedule that was available there (every night until 9pm, every single fucking Saturday and almost every Sunday, split shifts, etc.), and every time a position came up that was one above where I was, the work of which I had been doing, I always applied and I always got turned down. This happened about three times I think. I deserved those promotions, and the superiors who turned me down knew it damn well- their excuses were EXTREMELY lame-- I mean, literally one time the excuse was that the person who got the job had better handwriting on their applications (my handwriting is not bad, apparently theirs was just fucking better- they must have used fucking calligraphy or something). The next time, I friggin typed the application. I never understood it. But looking back, I'd be miserable working at the library. Now, having got any of those promotions would not have kept me in Lake City when an opportunity arose. But it taught me something, and it did help the decision to move- and now, I took a job which made me realize what I wanted to do with my life and with my career, it's helped me work through school, the work ethic I cultivated there has paid off, and I've been promoted three times in the less than two years since I've started working there, with no real qualifications besides the fact that I do a good job, I've received and award from my employer, etc. Rejection is something that one can't always control, but how you approach it you CAN control, and that determines the outcome. At least that's what I believe and that's how I approach life.

Ghosts: I have to say something about beliefs here: many scientists and so-called "strong atheists" are JUST as dogmatic and closed off as fundamentalists of any religious stripe, whether it be Christian, Islamic, etc. Many scientists and atheists, in the face of anything that might conflict with their beliefs, are just as closed off as fundie Christians etc. There's a dogmatism present in scientific circles and with atheists etc. just as there is with the frequently reviled religious people. Me, I approach everything OPENLY. If there is something that I feel I know, that's fine. Otherwise, I am totally open to anything. Some things I have personally discounted: a personal God, for example- one that meddles in our lives, a la who wins football games and Grammy awards, etc. I don't believe in hell: it makes no rational sense to me- why would a God create something imperfect and then damn it for being imperfect? Wouldn't it be just as good for God to just do away with that individual? Why would He have to put him in a lake of fire for eternity, which in and of itself FAR outweighs any wrongdoing that could possibly be done in the physical realm. I don't believe in religious fairy tales- I feel that those can be reasonably and comfortably debunked and proven false. However, as far as ghosts, I am open: I've never seen a ghost, and I find things like haunted houses, exorcisms, etc. to be somewhat ridiculous and I personally lean towards disbelief, but I remain open and interested in EVERYTHING.

Look, I think it is obvious that there is more to life than what we see: science basically proves this. Whether or not it proves that souls exist, the afterlife exists, which in turn would mean ghosts could possibly exist (if they do, I would posit that they are spirits who have had some trouble making the transition into the spirit realm for whatever reason, or who can't accept they are dead, etc.), and maybe some sort of "God" exists- who knows. Some of it might be unprovable. Some things seem like we could actually prove them- could quantum physics seems to possibly prove weird things like parallel universes and time travel. I have about a dozen books by very well credentialed physicists who claim that some science seems to point to the existence of a "soul" and possibly an "afterlife" (as in a realm that exists in a different level of reality of our own). Certainly there have been enough people in the world over time who have had experiences (NDEs, OBEs, etc.) which suggest certain things, and there's been lots of scientific experiments that seem to suggest, if not prove, that consciousness is not completely confined to the brain and mind. Things like that force one who is open minded to think that there is more to life than just what we see, feel and hear- that we're not just meat machines, animals, accidents, etc. So I suppose I'm an open-minded agnostic. I usually prefer to not use the label "agnostic," for what it suggests, but that might be closest. I don't believe in a personal Islamic-Christian-Jewish God. I do believe there is a LOT more to life than we know. I believe that a soul exists, and I believe something similar to a "spirit world" exists (though my belief in that is NOWHERE NEAR what many would think when thinking of the phrase "spirit world"). Beyond that, I believe nothing, but am open minded and I *consider everything.* As one of my favorite physicists says, "be in the mystery."

I'm not sure that addresses the ghost question. I don't particularly find haunted houses, exorcisms, seyances, ouiji, etc. to be convincing or believable. But, I do believe that ghosts *could* exist.

One word on skeptics: I am a big fan of skeptics, from Penn & Teller to Michael Shermer to Richard Dawkins to The Amazing Randi, etc. But they have to be taken with as much of a grain of salt as anyone else. As I said in the beginning about scientists and religious nuts. I'll use Penn & Teller as an example. I am a HUGE fan of their show "Bullshit." Their Bible episode is absolutely brilliant and hilarious ("Elvis didn't do no drugs!"). They are regarded as expert debunkers. But they did an episode on cigarette smoking, and the episode strongly asserted that second hand smoke posed no harm whatsoever (or that it was hardly harmful, etc.). Obviously that's wrong- there was an agenda there, being that these guys are hugely libertarian, against smoking bans, etc. I believe they subsequently had to come out and say that they were wrong about that. Also one starts to notice when watching their show, as well as reading some of the other very prominent skeptics, that they will usually pick the biggest fringe wackos to represent the other side of the argument, as opposed to someone as thoughtful as the one representing their side of the argument, which hardly seems "balanced."

I usually fall on the side of the skeptic- but I always remain open minded, I NEVER knee-jerk, and I always consider everything.

As far as aliens, it seems reasonable that aliens might exist somewhere. But what if we are the only sentient life in the universe? Is that a bad thing? I was reading something recently that was mathematically trying to prove (pretty convincingly, actually) that the universe seems to be "tweaked" for consciousness to exist- that, as quantum physics seems to point to the fact that all possibilities exist simultaneously until observed, and the universe needed consciousness so that it could be observed. Does this point to a self-aware universe? (NOT a "God") What about those parts of the universe and reality that we don't observe- does that suggest that there is an "ultimate observer" or some sort? That's interesting stuff to think about, right? What about aliens- would they be "conscious"? How would they define consciousness? What role would they play in a quantum universe? Interesting thoughts, none of which I have any clue about. So the short of it is, I'm not sure how I feel about aliens. Until they land in South Florida, they don't impact my life.

Here's a theory about ghosts, before I stop writing (sorry this is so interminable): The new physics posits that all possibilities exist until observed, and that possibly all possibilities exists until a choice is made. These possibilities might exist as "parallel universes" that exist simultaneously, maybe "side-by-side" for lack of better understanding, that don't "collapse" until an observation/measurement is made or a choice is made. What if some ghosts of ghostly experiences are pieces or reflections of these parallel realities? Food for thought.

Oh, one thing I've noticed in my studies: The East is WAY more advanced than we are when it comes to spirituality and in many cases social values. I've read some Hindu, Buddhist and Zen stuff lately that is so, so far beyond the shit that we get for spirituality in America. In fact, I was reading a book that showed that some Hindu philosophies about the nature of reality and the universe that goes back literally thousands of years are just now being proven by science, namely physics and quantum physics. That's amazing to me. Am I the only one that seems to think that America, as wonderful as it is and as much as I love my country, is way behind, especially when it comes to spirituality and social mores? And I mean WAY behind.

I'd say this makes up for my lack of presence here for the past few weeks.