Sorry guys, I just remembered that it's my turn to pick the topic.
I'd like to try something a little different this week. You know those advice columns in newspapers and magazines that you always just have to read? Don't worry, it's not just you. We all do that.
This week I'd like our bloggers to each write a short advice-seeking letter for a post... and I'd like our commentors to respond to it. You don't have to have ever commented before to play along-- if you have advice to give, let's hear it! My only request is that if it's not a made up problem, bloggers, please at least disguise it enough so we don't know who you're talking about. Below is my letter, and I hope for lots of good advice!
Dear Supergroup,
My roommate, "Emma," and I have shared an apartment for 4 years now. In fact, my parents stopped me from moving in with a guy friend (because of the male-female factor) 4 years ago, so I moved in with Emma. We share everything-- clothes, stories, chores, sometimes even beds. We're super best friends. Lately, though, things have been awkward. A couple weeks ago, we were watching a girlie movie on the couch and I don't know what came over me, but I leaned over and kissed her. She kissed me back, but didn't say anything. Since then, Emma's standing a lot closer when we're cooking together, or coming into my bed most nights, and touching me a lot more often. I know I'm not gay because I was raised in a Christian household, but I really like the attention from her. What does this mean? How should I respond?
--Confused in a 2BR/1BA
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11 comments:
What the! Now, I'm confused after reading this.
"I know I'm not gay because I was raised in a Christian household". Oh My God! I almost fell out of my chair laughing at that!
I (and a couple other bloggers) am friends with a gay guy who grew up in the most outrageously Christian house I know of (besides my own). If it's possible for HIM to survive and come out of the closet, then don't think you're immune.
There's nothing wrong with being gay - if you even are. Go ahead, experiment -if it's just a phase, you can ask Jesus for forgiveness later. If you really are a lesbian, well maybe it's time to re-examine your beliefs - after all, who's to say God didn't make you that way?
You mean... God makes people GAY?? I always thought that was a Act of Satan.
--Confused in a 2BR/1BA
Well, Confused:
You thought wrong. In fact, I don't believe you have been thinking at all! You're just swallowing what's fed you, including inflammatory anti-gay rhetoric without any basis in reality.
*********
How depressing is this letter? Very funny, but probably very close to reality.
It's funny how we all point the finger and mutter under our breath about other people being brainwashed by their religions (all cults by definition), politics, educations (or lack of), families, governments, employers, greed, the environment, sex, etc., but we never look at our own reflection in the mirror and realize just how screwed up our own thinking may be.
A good movie to understand this is Werner Herzog's masterpiece, "Everyman for Himself and God Against All." A "wild child" who is raised without the evil influences of mankind must be stoned to death because he (in his quest for truth) questions why things are the way they are?
Though I am not sure how good I am at that yet and much of my reasoning may be flawed, I do try to look in the mirror. My beliefs and thoughts on issues of morality and religion are dynamic and subject to change. I know that many religious adherents cannot say the same, as their ideas and practices have their origins in static sources like holy books and rigid dogma.
I don't think any of us can get close to objectivity, but all of us can practice self-examination.
I haven't seen the Herzog film, but it does sound interesting. I think every question is worth asking and that nothing should be beyond the scope of careful consideration.
In addition, I woke up this morning to a bat flying around my room.
Just thought I should throw that in.
A bat in your room?! Canada sounds terrifying! :)
And yes, it was insenstivite of me to imply that being raised as a "Christian" encourages people to repress their sexuality, especially if it is considered "deviant." There are gay people in all religions and some of them do have the courage to live openly. However, I'm close friends with several people who have or are still burying their homosexuality in overly "Christian" dogma, and I've seen how this hurts them. Not saying it's the norm, just saying that as long as you aren't a harm to other people, no religion should tell you to be anyone other than who you are. (In that vein, no religion should ever encouage harm on other people... but that's another topic).
I don't think you were being insensitive, Jen. I think we can all deal with the idea that you wrote a letter that was representative of a realistic individual case and not a generalization of how all young women who are Christian would approach the situation. Stephanie's insight alone is enough to emphasize how individual's views vary within a group.
Dear Confused,
Being gay and religious is fine. I mean, Jesus and his buds spent a lot of time bonding over philosophy. If you know what I mean. Heh heh. Ok, that was dumb. Probably the answer is to make out or something. What am I, Kreskin?
i think we're all missing the point here - the question wasn't "am i gay?" "confused" seemed pretty sure that she's not gay (for whatever reason). she asked "what does this mean?" and "how should i respond?"
basically it boils down to a communication issue. back at byu (yes, i went to mormon school) there was one part of the culture that i really thought was a good idea - called the dtr (Define The Relationship). most dating couples would periodically "have a dtr" - in which they would seriously discuss their relationship: feelings, goals, potential for the relationship to develop, etc. couples could also discuss serious concerns such as differences in who wants to have how many children, and other issues that could mess up a relationship.
was that a long enough explanation? "confused", tell "emma" that you need to have a dtr and then ask her what you think her (and your) actions mean and how she would like you to respond.
then go make out.
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