Here's a poem in which I tried to use the theme of shadows. It needs some work.
THE THINGS WE OWN AND THE THINGS WE WISH TO OWN
At the gas station before dawn the moths
are huge. The size of dinner plates. Wings
like a paper doll project. Bright colors. Non-
aerodynamic. Gets your heart racing. In a bad
way. So get back in the car already. I told you
this wasn't the sort of place we should stop.
There is still a hum on the air. Something high
pitched. The shadow of the earth crept up on
us somehow. The radio only plays gospel
stations. And even they're not coming in clear.
The CD player broke miles ago. Not that we
could agree on the albums. Above Atlanta
the hills swallowed the major highways. So
suddenly there were curves and even the small
light the stars gave was gone. A runaway mine
cart. The pedals too far from our feet. And then
the hum. It could be power lines if there were
any power lines. It could be cicadas but the only
living things we've seen are the moths and the gas
station attendant. Sometimes the body is at
home in shade. Other times it's a razored snare.
Reason to feathers. When we see a rest area
we will sleep, O, Charon. O, stream of blood.
Who are we? Well....
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3 comments:
Is the O in "O, Charon" an interjection or a marker indicating direct address?
It's a marker indicating direct address.
What can I say? I enjoyed your poem.
You state that the poem still needs work so I assume you won’t mind if I quibble over one word. Are you thinking about deleting the word ‘already’ from the line “So get back in the car already.” ? To me, this added a jarring colloquial feel that detracted slightly from the poem’s overall mood and rhythm. Or was that your intent? Not that that one word spoiled the poem—I still like it.
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