I am a blond, slim, 5-foot-10 female -- single and in great shape. People tell me I am beautiful. I am also HIV-positive.
I would like to meet someone special and settle down. But as soon as I meet a man I like, I struggle with the question of when to reveal my health situation. I have told them right away and I never hear from them again, which I find very insulting.
Some of my friends tell me I should date a guy for a few months and then say something, but I'd feel betrayed if someone waited that long to tell me.
I don't want to just blurt out the information at a first meeting. I'm very confused. Please help me. -- WANTS TO BE MARRIED, GAINESVILLE, FLA.
*This was shamelessly ripped from Dear Abby. I thought it was interesting that the first one I read was from good ol' G-ville*
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3 comments:
Dear Gainesville,
Well, that sucks that you're HIV positive. I don't think the HIV thing is a first date topic, unless you're about to do shoot up with the same needle or something (I wait at least a week before doing that). So maybe after a couple of dates you should mention it. But not months. That's crazy. Probably there are internet groups that can allow you to meet other HIV positive individuals. Like in that fight club movie with all the dying people. And then Edward Norton met whatsherface there? I mean, they weren't dying, but it was sort of true love. And well, I guess you're probably not dying yet either. Not to get you down. Probably the answer is to make out or something. What am I, Kreskin?
Dear Married,
I think finding other HIV positive individuals is your best option. It sounds so far that you've only tried dating non-HIV people, and it's understandable that this would cause a lot of anxiety in the relationship because you're holding a pretty serious secret back from this person you're trying to form an emotional bond with. If you find a website or local support group or clinic where you meet other people in the same situation, you'll not only get that stress out of the way, but you'll also be able to form a deeper bond by having at least this in common.
Luck,
Supergroup.
dear wants,
www.ihavehiv.com
that's not a real website, but you get the idea. try placing a personal ad with your honest approach (like you did at the beginning of your letter) - chances are that most honest men with hiv aren't having much luck dating either and would love to meet someone who is willing to be open about her health concerns. there are also local support groups all over the country for those with hiv/aids - perhaps a group would be a great place for you to meet someone (not necessarily your future spouse - maybe someone at the group could introduce you to a friend or family member who would be sensitive to your needs, or you might even just make a group of friends who might have better suggestions than i do since they're in the same situation you are).
i've also heard that jay of "jay & silent bob" fame would think that having hiv means you are loose and would like to have lots of sex, so he'd probably go out with you in a heartbeat.
best of luck,
supergroup
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