Well, being 26, I am in my late mid-twenties. In May, when I turn 27, I will be in my early late-twenties. This is something I've developed in order to make things sound a little more palatable as I get older.
Certainly in my life there have been things that have made me feel old. Like seeing Full House on Nick at Nite, having my younger brother and younger sister get married before me, or seeing Halloween 4 on American Movie Classics. Well, just kidding about that one. Everybody knows AMC is the worst channel in history. I mean, come on. They show fucking American Pie on that channel.
But probably what consistently reminds me of my age is teaching my college freshman. I mean, it wasn't so long ago that I myself was a college freshman, skipping lots of math classes and staying up until 4 every night with my roommate for absolutely no good reason other than we could. (We were pretty big losers, so we didn't have a lot of friends). This semester, though, I'm teaching Maus, Watchmen, and Dark Knight Returns, all written in the mid to late 80s. I find that I'm constantly having to explain the general political climate of the time, and how that might affect their reading of these works, because most of them were alive for only two years of the 80s, tops. I mean, we talk about the Reagan administration a little bit, and to be fair I wasn't actually in America for that, but I pretty much have to educate them from scratch. Their general knowledge of Reagan is that he single handedly broke the Berlin wall with his fists and destroyed the Soviet Bloc with one wink. Just kidding of course. They have no idea what the Berlin wall or Soviet Bloc are.
But do I feel old? I mean, I'm older than these kids, certainly. And I don't really ever get carded anymore, unless I go to a bar where college students go. And I have a couple of grey hairs. And I'm not really in shape. (Though some may argue that I wasn't ever in shape to begin with, and some may be right). And I'm in a stuffy graduate program. And I have two cats. And I pretty much always use metamusil and viagra. And I complain that things were better before all these whippersnappers were running around. And I go to Shoneys at 4:30 for dinner every Sunday. And I have to buy pre-chewed food. And my grandkids never call, the goddamned little ingrates. And I have a healthy collection of 78s, that don't quite hold up to the quality of phonographic cylinders. And I drive in a very annoying manner to young folk.
But on the other hand, my ideal day is probably spent reading comic books and playing video games. Also, my apartment is decorated in action figures and movie posters. So maybe I'm old in some ways, and young in the important ways.
PS - I don't need viagra, just to clarify. That was a joke. I was being facetious. I am one hundred percent fine in the special area. No viagra for me, thanks. Honest.
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12 comments:
you're teaching maus, watchmen, and the dark knight returns??? can *I* take your class?
in the class i just finished teaching, we read a story about how men are starting to wear makeup. dumbed down for 5th grade korean speakers.
the only thing about teaching that makes me feel old is when the brats are misbehaving... then I open my mouth and MY MOTHER'S VOICE comes out. scary shit, that. (no offense, mom)
I work on a university campus, and it's shocking to me how often I see women walk by and think, "Yeah, she's cute, but way too young."
Glenn, I'm pretty sure you just offended America's entire elderly population. Oh, and you don't have to be ashamed of needing Viagra. Really, we all still respect you even tho don't work so well "down there" anymore.
Here's a sign that I'm getting old:
I just spent a small fortune on a black blazer and it is making me really, really happy.
To compensate, this weekend I plan on buying the lime-green glitter-belt and the lime-green sequined purse that I convinced myself not to buy when I was downtown last weekend.
As a result of all this, I will be living off ramen paid for out of my change jar for the entire week leading up to payday.
PS - Glenn, if Bob Dole can do it, so can you.
I see how I've "matured" by how I dress (similar to your "black blazer" story)- I used to totally refuse to even tuck in my shirt. When I worked at the library, I'd dress as absolutely casual as was acceptable (no jeans, t-shirt, etc.) but I would never even tuck in. Now, any time I go into the store, I buy a tie. I was really excited the other day because I found a really good sale on ties online and bought some. I now own very little casual clothes that actually fit anymore (I recently realized I had only about two good t-shirts that I could wear, so I had to buy a couple of t-shirts). I love wearing shirts and ties now and when I can wear my full suit (about twice a month) I'm happy. Though I never feel the need to buy other clothes to compensate for that change.
On the other hand, I did recently notice that my music and movie choices have also "matured" (I love jazz music and I have discovered older movies- whereas I used to balk at music that was more than a couple of years old and I wouldn't watch older movies because I claimed I couldn't "relate" to movies older than I was). So sometimes I try to watch a newer movie or download slightly more eclectic music for my iPod to compensate. But it's never "hip" new stuff.
For the most part, though, I love being my age, and I am very glad I am no longer the same person I was six years ago.
Did you ever see that metamucil alternative that came out a few years back? It was clear. I was like, where's the fibre if it's fucking clear?
I don't use viagra either. In fact, I probably won't have sex again until Robyn and I decide to have another kid.
PPS - Nick,
Back in the day - before I knew who you were - I used to refer to you as "Hot Library Boy" - just thought I'd share.
Lol...that's how my sister used to refer to him...
That's how I've always referred to him.
I guess now we can call Nick "Hot Tie Boy."
Wow. Are you serious?
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