In the wild hope that he will once again don his karate uniform, wax my car and croon Chicago's "You're The Inspiration" to me every night, I have carried a torch for Ralph Macchio since I was five years old.
It must have been that endearing, squeaky-wheel of a voice, but there was something very hot about that kid in 1986. I remember telling my parents that I would marry him. Oh, how they laughed. But they never realized the full extent of my love. And I would still have him, even without his preadolescent good looks, the bonzai tree and the crane kick that would have cost him in a real martial arts tournament. In twenty years my love has never wavered.
Well, that is not exactly true.
A few years after I swore fidelity to Daniel LaRusso, in swaggered Han Solo. I always did find him more appealing than Luke Skywalker, which was strange, considering the similarities between Vader's son (oops, I didn't give it away, did I?) and Mr. Miyagi's own dark apprentice. But who would a deny a guy with a sweet ride like the Millennium Falcon?
As you could probably imagine, my feelings for both the Karate Kid and Mr. Princess Leia left me quite conflicted as a child. What if they confronted me and demanded a decision? Would they have a duel, and if so, did Daniel-san know how to fire a laser gun? I imagine the recoil would bruise him a bit.
And most important, who would make prettier babies?
Now, as an adult, I still don't know who I would choose. No, actually, I would probably take Han Solo, who has remained foxy in his silver years and stuck with Leia throughout their trilogy. In comparison, Daniel-san got pudgy, went through three chicks and didn't even score with Jessica Andrews in the end. (Dude. She left him for Ohio.)
However, this realization is not without its own debate: Han Solo or Indiana Jones? Lord. I'm fairly certain this new dilemma will secure my future as an old maid.
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11 comments:
The thing about Han and Indy is that they are the SAME character, just in different locales. I mean, stick Indiana Jones in a spaceship in a galaxy long ago and far away and you've got Han Solo and vice versa. I personally would choose Han simply for the fact that y'all know how much I want to travel in space. I don't really feel much like going back in time to outwit Nazi goons.
Wow, you really do look like Guy Smiley!
Melissa
Sorry -- I meant to post that under Glenn's entry, not really sure what happen. Pia -- you do not look anything like Guy Smiley from what I can tell in the picture. :)
Melissa
Han Solo, hands-down. I had the same dilemma.
I see Harrison Ford, Tom Selleck, Clive Owen, William Shatner and Sean Connery (in their prime) as real "men," but when I look at Ralph Macchio, Johnny Depp, Mark Hammil, Ben Affleck, and Brendan Frasier (see Scrubs), all I see is more "boy" than man.
Indiana Jones, hands down, and I'll duel with anyone who says differently. I named my DOG Indiana Jones. Indy's pictures were all over my walls (kiss prints and all). Everytime I went to MGM (which was a lot because I lived pretty near Disney) I HAD to go see the Indy Stunt Spectacular, even though the show hasn't changed since the park opened. I used to run around the yard with my father's straw fedora-esque hat and my whip (yes, my parents bought me my own whip, I was that obsessed) singing his theme song and saving my neighborhood from ancient cults, forgotten natives, and Nazis. Ooohh, how I hated the Nazis (well, still do. Turns out they did a lot more bad things than try to harness the power of the Ark of the Convenant and the Holy Grail)! Indy fights all sorts of evil, and why? So he can get important articfacts into museums where we can all learn from them. AND he has a PhD. Did Han Solo? Nope, just a fancy car/ship.
I'll admit that I no longer watch many Harrison Ford movies, because, well, the Fugitive came out in 1993 after all. But he's still one handsome man.
Also, uh, Tom Selleck and Clive Owen as "Real Mean?" Puh-leese. Indy could outwit and outfight them any day.
BTW, I've pretty much said everything I wanted to say in the comments this week, and we've had a lot of guest bloggers too, so I won't be putting up a real post.
I don't really think Han Solo and Indiana Jones are the same person. Han Solo is a lot louder, whereas Indiana Jones thinks more. It's hard to say which one I like better. Has anybody seen the picture of Harrison Ford in the Indiana Jones costume from the set of the new movie? Remember that scene at the end of Last Crusade? Looks like HF chose poorly.
Could Indiana Jones become the third wheel in an incestuous festival of love? I'm not sure.
But on that note, what are the chances that Han Solo would be able to decipher a regular boring old two dimensional map?
I think I'm gonna have to go with Han Solo, mostly because his name is obviously a metaphor for "beating" darth meat helmet and his pendulous space balls.
And in response to John: You end up with boy heros when your culture worships youth. We are probably more afraid of death than we ever were before, and now we've got the technological advancements to believe that we might actually ward it off one of these days.
Thus, the birth of the boy hero. Before too long, we'll have kids fighting crime... oh wait a minute. We already do! (whats the name of the kid from that one show who did those movies about that stuff?)
Oh well... at least we know we'll NEVER have a female president! *whisper* (too emotional.) ;p
oh yeah, sorry for not citing my reference to that one show... I just figured my description made it obvious enough.
Could Indiana Jones become the third wheel in an incestuous festival of love?
Um, hello! Indy and his dad slept with the same woman in the Last Crusade.
And that woman should have been ME!
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