[She can open my hailing frequencies anytime]
Anyway, that's boring for everybody. I have a few poet crushes. For instance, Jane Hirshfield is a big poet crush of mine. Mostly it has to do with how much I love her work, but she's pretty cute for a 54 year old hippie. If I wasn't lazy, I would link a picture. But you guys can do a google search probably. (Ok, I'm not that lazy. I did this on an edit).
[Kind of cute, right?]
And she's probably my favorite living poet. I just got done reading Sarah Fox's book "Because Why," and it was pretty terrific, and she also looks cute. So maybe if her second book comes out and is great then I will develop a full blown poet-crush on her, too. Well, I just looked up Sarah Fox to find a picture to link, and it turns out she's not really that cute in any picture other than her book photo.
[Cute book photo]
Poets are really fickle about their book photos. Carolyn Forche, who is a great poet, is using a twenty-five year old photo for her jackets. Ridiculous. Also, once in poetry workshop class with another older poet I mentioned that Louise Gluck looks pretty hot for a woman her age, and the professor got all indignant and said "That's called airbrushing, hon." Oh, I have a crush on Sylvia Plath, but she's dead. Oh, if we could have been a pair! I'd like to think that I wouldn't have driven her to put her head in an oven like ole Teddy, but then if she had been happy she wouldn't have written all those great angry poems. So it's good that Ted Hughes drove her into being a suicidal wreck. Nobody's favorite book by her is The Colossus, after all.
I've already mentioned my comic book habit on this blog, but reading comics during the Rob Liefeld heyday of the 1990s I was exposed to images of many women with meter long breasts. (I'm really not joking. That guy can't draw at all, but we all though he was great for some stupid reason.) Anyway, comics were in bad shape in the 1990s, so I guess I didn't really get a specific crush on any particular comic book woman. They were all written in pretty much the same way, and the drawings were virtually indistinguishable. Although I really liked Domino, because she carried cool guns. The mind of a 13 year old is pretty shallow.
Anyway, as far as real people that I have baseless love and hate for (poets are actually fictional characters), I guess I really hate Jack White. Well, I know everybody probably hates me now, which is fine, but I determined I hated Jack White long before I'd even heard a White Stripes album. Everybody kept talking about what a genius he was, and every time I heard him interviewed he seemed like a gigantic douchebag. And so I decided I wouldn't like any White Stripes album I would ever hear. Which worked out ok, since the only album I've ever heard by them, Elephant, really did suck. Also, the White Stripes segment in Coffee and Cigarettes was fucking terrible.
Man crushes? I guess Captain Kirk. Maybe Clive Owen. Oh, man, what if they got Clive Owen to play Captain Kirk in the new Star Trek movie? That would probably blow my wad. I mean mind! I meant mind, not wad!
16 comments:
Even though I rather suspect that the only reason you came down so hard on Jack White was to annoy the rest of us... you seriously need to listen to some albums other than Elephant. Even though it was the album that skyrocketed them into the mainstream, it is hardly their best. I'm telling you, man - go get yourself a copy of Get Behind Me Satan.
I used to like Data...but not in the same way I liked that dreamboat Wesley Crusher!!!! So, other people have Star Trek crushes, too.
Also, Clive Owen.
Oh, and I think Tristan used to have a crush on Jean-Luc Picard.
I totally had a crush on Wesley Crusher when I was in 5th grade. When I got older, that transferred to Jean-Luc. Hell, I still have a crush on Jean-Luc. And on Patrick Steward in general.
I went to see Patrick Stewart (not even in a minor league compared to William Shatner's Kirk) in his one man play of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. It was a gift for my then girlfriend (eventually our love of differing Star Trek series drove us apart--me: TOS and DS9--her: TNG and Voyager to Hell), but at the half-way point he took off citing voice problems. What a bunch of horse pooh, he sounded great to me, and I paid extra so we could meet the loser at the after party. Let's just say that that night ended up being no party for me.
As for my babes of Star Trek: TOS, I was mesmorized by the Andriod Andrea in "What Little Girls Are Made of," Zarabeth in "All Our Yesterdays," Lt. Marlena Moreau in "Mirror, Mirror," and blown away by Edith Keeler (Joan Collins) in "City on the Edge of Forever" written by Harlan Ellison.
For the feminists out there, take a look at this website. http://allyourtrekarebelongto.us/toswomen.htm Interestingly, created by a woman. All I can say to her is thank you. All my Trek babes under one banner.
I'm not a Star Trek person, so I don't have a crush on Patrick Steward. My old, bald, white guy of choice is John Locke of Lost.
Though he isn't fictional, my biggest current crush is Ira Glass, host of This American Life. I made the mistake of googling his picture. Turns out that visually he is very unattractivce. I'm still in love with his voice.
William just bought me Icky Thump, the new White Stripes album, and the more I listen to it, the more I love it.
Also, you forgot to mention that EVERY scene in Coffee in Cigarettes blew. What a painful way to spend seventeen hours of my life. It wasn't that long? Well it certainly FELT that long!!
The only scene I except from this (and pretty much the only one I could recall afterward besides the WS) is Alfred Molina's scene (*swoon!*).
What about Bill Murray's scene with the RZA and GZA? Or the scene with Steven Wright and Roberto Benigni? I guess the movie sucked as a whole, but the White Stripes scene was the absolute worst.
John from Daejon, I'm also a TOS and DS9 person. I just started rewatching DS9 from the beginning, and I really forgot how great it was.
Besides DS9, another overlooked sci-fi gem is LEXX. It's highly sexed, but very well written.
As for DS9, are you a Jadzia or Ezri Dax devote? I still get my Ezri fix by watching The Dead Zone, and Jadzia married that annoying Sprint salesman who visited people inside their homes.
Caitlin, I am so relieved to find out that someone else had the dual Wesley Crusher/Data crush. As I got older, I realized that Wesley is really a whiny brat in a spandex jumpsuit, but man, when I was 12 he was sooooo dreamy. And when I saw Brent Spiner in Independence Day and realized that he sorta looks like my dad, that killed it.
If you tell me that you also once declared that you would marry Doogie Howser, who I CANNOT BELIEVE has not yet been mentioned, we might just be soulmates.
Speaking of the Doogs, how many of you guys saw "Harold and Kumar"? Doogie The House has the best role of any 80s sitcom character ever in that movie. Its even better than hearing Bob Sagat say he used to suck dick for coke. Checkichecicheckidout!!!
As far as all this Star Blech lingo, I have this to contribute:
Goobledy blah blah blomit a bit in my mouth, Spreckkken zeee doitchsh, flim flam flippity flop. X5397712CD-ROM. Space ship.
Thats what you guys sound like to the rest of the world. Although, I've gotta admit, the android chick sounds pretty hot.
And all you fine ladies who had a thing for Data, did it carry over into your real lives as well? Are you all dating emotionally unavailable, although extremely reliable, effiminate men (with pointy ears)?
What?!? I'm just asking...
Data did not have pointy ears.
Also, he looks like Oleg Menshikov to me.
I don't really know how to break this to you, Brooke, but I have never even watched Doogie Howser, MD!
But you who else I had a crush on: Jonathan Brandis, because of that terrible show SeaQuest. I even wrote him a fan letter, which I had never done before and have never done since. And then he killed himself a couple of years ago...
Harold and Kumar only made me love Doogie more. He is uncontestably the shit.
Although, I saw him on Broadway once, playing the MC in Cabaret, who at one point in the show moons the audience...wearing a sparkly red swastika on his ass. I was like, "Doogie! NOOOOOOOO!"
Caitlin, I will rest assured that if you had watched Doogie, and basked in the glow of his precocious blue screened journal entries, you would have loved him as I did.
I watched Doogie and had a crush on him.
I also had a crush on Jonathan Brandis, Caitlin, though I never wrote a fan letter.
Damn, that was the longest nerd out of all time I swear! And Caitlin wins the ultimate dork award for writing a fan letter to Jonathan Brandis. Sorry dude, but seriously.
That said, I totally had a crush on Wesley Crusher when I was a kid. Glenn has been making fun of me about it for years so I feel a bit vindicated now that some other ladies are backing me up on this one.
Also, Glenn I totally hate the habit you have of just deciding to hate things and then hating something good forever. SO ANNOYING!
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