Ok, so this is a pretty hefty title to be throwing at you guys first thing in the morning, evening, or just after lunch, but it pretty much sums up what's been going on in my world the last month or so (assuming you take out the bit about revenge and added in a month long vacation, two weeks with the family in Kyoto, a backpacking trip gone awry, studying an insane amount for both an upcoming Japanese Test as well as the GRE, attending a zen meditation group at 6:30 in the morning, eating A LOT of toast, drinking and fireworks at the river, playing with my nipples, playing with YOUR nipples, then back to mine, now the cow's, a passing sparrow's, the dial on the radio, eating more toast, a trip to Hiroshima to partake in a peace commemoration, leaving thoroughly disturbed and disgusted at the destructive power of humanity and our war toys, then a trip to the brewery to learn about the process of making everyone's favorite breakfast, then a baseball game, more nipples, toast, and other assorted activities (don't worry, I won't list them all for fear of boring you)).
But wait!!! This is supposed to be about revenge, that sweet and acidic nectar which flows thick and strong in our western (or eastern) blood like the grease from McDonalds that clogs our arteries, not really flowing at all but kind of stagnating there and congealing like Sylvester Stalone's face (please don't tell him I said that!). By the way reader, I was only joking about having played with your nipples over the last month. Unless you are Glenn, on whose splendiferous man measels I went to town!... to town I tell you.
Oh yeah, revenge. Like... this one time? I was at the mall? And uhm... this guy I know? Who my best friend hooked up with? Was all like ... lets hook up? And even though he was dating my best friend who I knew since we were in like the third grade???? I still totally did it! Which is kind of like revenge, because now she's not really my friend anymore since she got leprosy? and had to move to an island?! I know right!! But she always did have? like lots of pimples? so I kind of knew she would end up at a leprosy resort anyway. But I kind of hate her now even more than when she was my best friend because one time she got to see Brad Pitt. He is soooo hot! Ohmygod I know!!!! But she only saw him through the glass in her cage, so I guess its ok. Oh my GOD! That's kind of like revenge too! Wow!?!? I really like talking about revenge?!
Yep, thats about all I've got for you all on this one. That and a big fat apology for having missed so many days. Weeks! But hey, I'll make it up to you. You are all allowed in my club that I just started. I promise it is a great club, great enough that you will totally forgive me if you are in it.
Its called the "Let's forgive Martin for being a lazy jerk who ruins our blog by talking about nipples and not even telling us the story about how he almost died in the woods. Because we all know he's really just a sensitive 90's guy trying charleston his way through this crazy world of Jams and Hyper-color t-shirts and back to his own time where he will be appreciated for his sensitivity and not pummeled for not knowing how to dance the hammer." You guys are totally in my club now. No turning back.
Hey, don't look at me like that. Its not like I'm the one who made you join! HOpe all is well in cyber land (and in your real lives too!)
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2 comments:
Lost in the woods, eh?
So, like, I remember this one time? and I was SO freaking lost in this foreign city? and I didn't know how to speak or even, like, read the signs? and it got really late? and I was, like sooooo hungry and tired? and then I recognized someone who rode by on his bike!? and I ate spaghetti with paprika? and showered in front of a full length mirror? and I slept for a while but woke up with someone I hadn't seen in years standing over me? And it was, like, awesome.
Good to have you back!
Ohmygawdohmygawdohmygawd!!! Like I totally remember that too. I'm SOOOOO glad you didn't wake up ten minutes earlier... uhhh... I mean... uh... yeah, that was pretty fun, huh. (Sorry the chicken was a tad overcooked.) Its a real shame you were only in town for one day (and that I had to work.) We've got a pretty comfortable couch though, and the offer stands for anyone who reads this blog (except for cleptos and droolers. Unless you're only a drool clepto and you bring a drooler with you. Or visa-versa. And bring some kind of receptacle in which to collect the drool.) Jen, by the way, was a wonderful house guest and is neither a drooler or a clepto. Unless she's both and stole her own drool before it was even able to make its way to the pillow. That would be pretty amazing. You could probably win some talent shows if you could do that. I'm still talking aren't I?
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