Ok, so this is a pretty hefty title to be throwing at you guys first thing in the morning, evening, or just after lunch, but it pretty much sums up what's been going on in my world the last month or so (assuming you take out the bit about revenge and added in a month long vacation, two weeks with the family in Kyoto, a backpacking trip gone awry, studying an insane amount for both an upcoming Japanese Test as well as the GRE, attending a zen meditation group at 6:30 in the morning, eating A LOT of toast, drinking and fireworks at the river, playing with my nipples, playing with YOUR nipples, then back to mine, now the cow's, a passing sparrow's, the dial on the radio, eating more toast, a trip to Hiroshima to partake in a peace commemoration, leaving thoroughly disturbed and disgusted at the destructive power of humanity and our war toys, then a trip to the brewery to learn about the process of making everyone's favorite breakfast, then a baseball game, more nipples, toast, and other assorted activities (don't worry, I won't list them all for fear of boring you)).
But wait!!! This is supposed to be about revenge, that sweet and acidic nectar which flows thick and strong in our western (or eastern) blood like the grease from McDonalds that clogs our arteries, not really flowing at all but kind of stagnating there and congealing like Sylvester Stalone's face (please don't tell him I said that!). By the way reader, I was only joking about having played with your nipples over the last month. Unless you are Glenn, on whose splendiferous man measels I went to town!... to town I tell you.
Oh yeah, revenge. Like... this one time? I was at the mall? And uhm... this guy I know? Who my best friend hooked up with? Was all like ... lets hook up? And even though he was dating my best friend who I knew since we were in like the third grade???? I still totally did it! Which is kind of like revenge, because now she's not really my friend anymore since she got leprosy? and had to move to an island?! I know right!! But she always did have? like lots of pimples? so I kind of knew she would end up at a leprosy resort anyway. But I kind of hate her now even more than when she was my best friend because one time she got to see Brad Pitt. He is soooo hot! Ohmygod I know!!!! But she only saw him through the glass in her cage, so I guess its ok. Oh my GOD! That's kind of like revenge too! Wow!?!? I really like talking about revenge?!
Yep, thats about all I've got for you all on this one. That and a big fat apology for having missed so many days. Weeks! But hey, I'll make it up to you. You are all allowed in my club that I just started. I promise it is a great club, great enough that you will totally forgive me if you are in it.
Its called the "Let's forgive Martin for being a lazy jerk who ruins our blog by talking about nipples and not even telling us the story about how he almost died in the woods. Because we all know he's really just a sensitive 90's guy trying charleston his way through this crazy world of Jams and Hyper-color t-shirts and back to his own time where he will be appreciated for his sensitivity and not pummeled for not knowing how to dance the hammer." You guys are totally in my club now. No turning back.
Hey, don't look at me like that. Its not like I'm the one who made you join! HOpe all is well in cyber land (and in your real lives too!)
Showing posts with label revenge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label revenge. Show all posts
Monday, August 27, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
She Wants Revenge
So if you use revenge to raise money, is it still bad?
Because I've always had an idea for a fundraiser for the library that was kinda our chance to get back at our patrons - celebrity boxing. (OK - that should really be "celebrity" because it's just my coworkers, but we get recognized everywhere). So the deal is this - the employees get to pick patrons that we want to beat the crap out of, and if they agree, we box and charge admission. Patrons can also pay to box any employee that they want to . We could also have the Friends of the Library run a betting station. It's genius! Well, except for the fact that I'd probably get all the pervy guys who would like me beating them a little too much.
Until then I am left with only 2 ways to exact revenge on the patrons that have crossed me:
1. Kill them with kindness, and hope that somewhere in their tiny brains or shriveled hearts they feel a pang of regret for being a jackass.
2. Be an evil bitch and brutally enforce every rule in the library. See - normally I'm a little lax. If a cell phone goes off, and the conversation lasts less than 2 minutes, I let it slide. Kids get a little rowdy in the quiet section, as long as it doesn't seem to be disturbing anyone - I can let it go awhile. However, cross me once, and I turn into the library Nazi - making people go to the lobby every time a phone goes off, bringing up the issue of fines every time they check out - I can be a bit of a bother when I want to. However, I am just being totally professional and enforcing rules - nothing more.
Because I've always had an idea for a fundraiser for the library that was kinda our chance to get back at our patrons - celebrity boxing. (OK - that should really be "celebrity" because it's just my coworkers, but we get recognized everywhere). So the deal is this - the employees get to pick patrons that we want to beat the crap out of, and if they agree, we box and charge admission. Patrons can also pay to box any employee that they want to . We could also have the Friends of the Library run a betting station. It's genius! Well, except for the fact that I'd probably get all the pervy guys who would like me beating them a little too much.
Until then I am left with only 2 ways to exact revenge on the patrons that have crossed me:
1. Kill them with kindness, and hope that somewhere in their tiny brains or shriveled hearts they feel a pang of regret for being a jackass.
2. Be an evil bitch and brutally enforce every rule in the library. See - normally I'm a little lax. If a cell phone goes off, and the conversation lasts less than 2 minutes, I let it slide. Kids get a little rowdy in the quiet section, as long as it doesn't seem to be disturbing anyone - I can let it go awhile. However, cross me once, and I turn into the library Nazi - making people go to the lobby every time a phone goes off, bringing up the issue of fines every time they check out - I can be a bit of a bother when I want to. However, I am just being totally professional and enforcing rules - nothing more.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Ah, sweet revenge
I’ve had several conversations lately with various men about how long women can hold grudges. I’m talking years, decades even. I know I’m one of these women, and I know how freaking long I’m willing to hold grudges.
After a while, though, I stop planning revenge. My grudge turns into a dull hatred, a negative reflex upon being reminded of a particular person. The way the mention a certain type of food can get stuck in your throat after you’ve gotten food poisoning from it. When I see these people face-to-face, I usually just ignore them, but not in an overt way. I may ask them to pass the salt, or I may say ‘pardon me’ if they’re in the way, but I don’t ask them any personal, direct questions and rarely look at their faces.
But I will admit to entertaining some pretty awful revenge fantasies. Although for most people I just imagine all their friends leaving them to hang out with me or something, there are a few people I wanted much more severe revenge against. One person I imagined not only hitting with my car (then reversing to hit him again), but I actually hoped that next time I saw him I would have something heavy and blunt available, like a shovel maybe, and smack him in the head with it.
I’m a little aggressive, I’ll admit, but I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone. I think part of the joy and freedom in these fantasies is that I was nearly certain I would never see this person again. Plus, those of you that know that situation understand how royally abused I was and how long (in years) it has taken me to get over some of the emotional (and other) baggage I was left with.
And if I saw him today? I’d still consider hitting him in the face, but probably with my fist instead of a shovel. If I saw him sleeping on the street (the place I most likely expect him to appear), I’d probably kick him, but not suffocate him. See? I’m maturing! Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll be over it all enough to simply ignore him as if he were an otherwise decent human being.
After a while, though, I stop planning revenge. My grudge turns into a dull hatred, a negative reflex upon being reminded of a particular person. The way the mention a certain type of food can get stuck in your throat after you’ve gotten food poisoning from it. When I see these people face-to-face, I usually just ignore them, but not in an overt way. I may ask them to pass the salt, or I may say ‘pardon me’ if they’re in the way, but I don’t ask them any personal, direct questions and rarely look at their faces.
But I will admit to entertaining some pretty awful revenge fantasies. Although for most people I just imagine all their friends leaving them to hang out with me or something, there are a few people I wanted much more severe revenge against. One person I imagined not only hitting with my car (then reversing to hit him again), but I actually hoped that next time I saw him I would have something heavy and blunt available, like a shovel maybe, and smack him in the head with it.
I’m a little aggressive, I’ll admit, but I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone. I think part of the joy and freedom in these fantasies is that I was nearly certain I would never see this person again. Plus, those of you that know that situation understand how royally abused I was and how long (in years) it has taken me to get over some of the emotional (and other) baggage I was left with.
And if I saw him today? I’d still consider hitting him in the face, but probably with my fist instead of a shovel. If I saw him sleeping on the street (the place I most likely expect him to appear), I’d probably kick him, but not suffocate him. See? I’m maturing! Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll be over it all enough to simply ignore him as if he were an otherwise decent human being.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Revenge!
A week or so ago I was looking through some old correspondence with a girl I used to like. Anyway, it reminded me of some of the feelings I had whenever the relationship or whatever it was ended. Basically, it ended like most of my relationships: she found somebody she liked better than me, and I was crushed. No big deal now, but at the time, (as I'm sure many of us have felt) I was filled with thoughts of revenge. Not revenge like "I'm going to let the air out of her tires, that'll show her not to break my heart," or "I'm going to burn down her home, then she'll see I'm the one," but emotional revenge. That is, I was miserable and heartbroken, and I felt that if she was miserable and heartbroken, too, it would make me feel better. So basically I wanted either her new relationship to end horribly, or for me to immediately meet some woman who was a million times nicer and hotter as though that would break her heart somehow.
Well, neither of these scenarios ever happened, and since I'm now in a place when I don't feel any kind of ill will toward anybody I can look back and say that it was pretty dumb of me to want any kind of revenge, emotional or otherwise. It wouldn't have made me feel better. Probably. But for some reason, we seem as a culture wired to desire vengeance. At some point in the future I'll probably have a girl leave me for some better guy, and I'll feel the same things. The only reason I'm remotely interested in going to my high school reunion is for revenge. (Psychological. Like if I was a millionaire or famous I could rub it in everybody's face that I hated). Many (of my students, anyway) would argue that the reason we're in Iraq is to get back at "them" for what they did to us on 9/11.
Where does this come from? Are we just a culture of revenge? Certainly, it's not just America. Look at all the great Japanese or Italian revenge films. Is it humans? So this week's topic is revenge. Feel free to take the philosophical route with it, but I think hearing people's actual revenge stories would be very interesting, too. The only revenge I've ever actually gotten is in poetry form. Or the time there was this girl we all hated in Tallahassee we called Punk Rock Amy, so I made her into an unflattering character in Weed Time. Not that she ever saw Weed Time. Or knew that we called her Punk Rock Amy. Or would have cared. She probably just would have punched and/or flashed me, which is basically how she rolled all the time anyway.
PS - This revenge thing has nothing to do with my most recent ended relationship, which ended on good terms. There's no ill will there. There might be annoyed will if I stub my toe on these boxes again. But that's my own clumsy fault.
PPS - The situation can basically be applied to almost every other time I liked a girl and she broke my heart. So nobody take this personally or anything if you happen to be a girl I liked and broke my heart at some point. I probably got some good poems out of it.
PPPS - Courtesy of Nick:
Well, neither of these scenarios ever happened, and since I'm now in a place when I don't feel any kind of ill will toward anybody I can look back and say that it was pretty dumb of me to want any kind of revenge, emotional or otherwise. It wouldn't have made me feel better. Probably. But for some reason, we seem as a culture wired to desire vengeance. At some point in the future I'll probably have a girl leave me for some better guy, and I'll feel the same things. The only reason I'm remotely interested in going to my high school reunion is for revenge. (Psychological. Like if I was a millionaire or famous I could rub it in everybody's face that I hated). Many (of my students, anyway) would argue that the reason we're in Iraq is to get back at "them" for what they did to us on 9/11.
Where does this come from? Are we just a culture of revenge? Certainly, it's not just America. Look at all the great Japanese or Italian revenge films. Is it humans? So this week's topic is revenge. Feel free to take the philosophical route with it, but I think hearing people's actual revenge stories would be very interesting, too. The only revenge I've ever actually gotten is in poetry form. Or the time there was this girl we all hated in Tallahassee we called Punk Rock Amy, so I made her into an unflattering character in Weed Time. Not that she ever saw Weed Time. Or knew that we called her Punk Rock Amy. Or would have cared. She probably just would have punched and/or flashed me, which is basically how she rolled all the time anyway.
PS - This revenge thing has nothing to do with my most recent ended relationship, which ended on good terms. There's no ill will there. There might be annoyed will if I stub my toe on these boxes again. But that's my own clumsy fault.
PPS - The situation can basically be applied to almost every other time I liked a girl and she broke my heart. So nobody take this personally or anything if you happen to be a girl I liked and broke my heart at some point. I probably got some good poems out of it.
PPPS - Courtesy of Nick:
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