Give thanks and whatnot

So it's that time of year again- Thanksgiving! And it's also the time of year that those of us who are blessed with OCD and of thinking way too much reassess the year that is almost over and what the heck just happened, and what there is to be thankful for.

For me, this year has been quite the tumultuous one. I had a major existential crisis and a bit of a breakdown. I was forced, by the aforementioned crisis as well as other factors, to evaluate my life here and everything I am doing. I missed two weeks of work, after which I got called into my boss' office, told to shut the door...and received a promotion. I got my own office and the responsibility of nine City departments' budgets. I broke up with my girlfriend of almost three years. I got saddled with the financial burden of suddenly having to take care of things I hadn't had to before. I attempted to somewhat get back into the dating scene, and the first person I met, well, let's just say it turned into a huge disaster very quickly. I had to undergo heart tests, one of which took six hours rendered me basically unconscious. I was handed down a disastrously wrong diagnosis and ended up going to the doctor to get reevaluated more times than I'd care to remember for something false. I deal by proxy with some family crises. I ran out of money on more than one occasion (many more, frankly). My "faith" was shaken and I was forced to evaluate my spirituality, or lack thereof, which was a hugely difficult situation considering it was not one I was concerned with for 20-something years. I turned 27 and watched friends move on in their lives, some getting married, etc., while I continued to live the so-called "bachelor" life and pursued my own ends.

But I still have a lot to be thankful for. My family continues to recover from some issues from the past couple of years and seems to be doing better than ever. Most importantly, they are all still here. I keep in touch with friends, for the most part regardless of our distances and differences, and feel blessed that I get to share in their joys. I just reconnected with an old friend I love very dearly and just to my excitement found out I will get to see him again after nearly three years of not even being able to speak with him. I have found some amount of "faith" in my life and a newfound spirituality which seems to have filled a void in my life. My crises reaffirmed my passions in life and reaffirmed to myself that I am on the right track; stepping back from my situation gave me the wonderful chance to see, from the outside, just how lucky I've been and just how happy I am and how right my choices have been. My relationship with my ex has blossomed into a wonderful, caring and comfortable friendship, one which we never had before. My biggest crisis this year also forced also to grow up, and to learn what it actually meant to be an adult and to be grown up and responsible, independent of any outside forces or expectations. I've had to take a hard look at my personality and figure out what defines me and "who" I am and am going to be. I've come out of the ordeals of this past year stronger, more grown up, and more mature, while also holding a newfound appreciation for the people, places, and things in my life, as well as my all-important sense of humor, which has only gotten stronger. And this year saw me come out of the other end of my struggles a stronger person and more passionate, and one more step on the way to achieving my dreams.

I have spent the last several months thinking that 2007 has been the worst, or at least the most exceedingly difficult, year I've had in my 27 years of living, at least from what I can remember (there are some high school times that would be hard to beat if I really thought about it). And 2007 has been the worst year of my (at least adult) life, no question. However, now I also realize that it might have been just what I needed; that the trials actually made me a much stronger, and much happier person. Don't make any mistake though: I'm still a curmudgeon. I wouldn't be Nick if I weren't grouchy. (A funny story: when I was going through the worst of my breakdown earlier this year, for several weeks I was not grouchy, not complaining about stuff, getting worked up about something on the news or in the car. One day, I saw something on TV and became very grouchy and began yelling at the TV. The person who was in the room with me, my ex and current best friend I believe, commented "Nick's back")

This year, I am thankful for my family and their love and support, especially my baby brother who is growing up too fast- this will be his last Thanksgiving at home before he goes off to college. I am thankful that he has listened to his big brother and has not made the same mistakes that I made. I am thankful for the beautiful friends that I have. I'm thankful that I have been given the opportunities I have been given, and that even in the middle of my crises, I was able to rise to the occasion. And yes, I'm thankful for my breakdown this year and the trials I have had. I'm thankful for the appreciation for my life it has afforded me, as well as he fact that I am now a more responsible, ethical, better person, with a clear picture of who I want to be and where I am going. I'm more confident now than I was before. I feel complete just being myself, not feeling I need any outside forces or influences to be "complete." And, of course, I'm thankful that I'm here to be thankful at all.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.