insomnia helps this time of year

well, i guess i’m one of those crafty people that gets on other people’s nerves, but i really do make cheap homemade gifts on a fairly regular basis (except for one year when shaggy worked for dss with jane, and we had a lot of money). i own a dehydrator, and love it, so home-dried herbal teas and soup mixes are pretty standard. i’ve also dried craploads of veggies for some pretty good chunky spaghetti sauce mix.... then there’s the sewing. on one occasion i made someone a quilt, but usually it’s something easier – i frequently make and give “butt pillows”. they’re pretty fun, quirky presents that are so simple it’s almost silly:
1) buy cheap multi-packs of boxer shorts, any size, any design (ross, tj maxx, etc. are great places to pay less than $1 per pair). if you want to get really funky, this also works with tighty-whiteys.
2) sew the fly closed first, otherwise you’ll forget
3) turn shorts inside out to sew leg holes closed. then turn them right side out again. the reason for this is that the stitches won’t show, so you can sew as sloppily as you want to (i’m interested to know if one could make these drunk, so if anyone tries, please let me know).
4) sew part of the elastic top closed – be sure to stretch out the elastic while sewing so the thread won’t rip out later.
5) fill with stuffing – this can be bought at a fabric/craft store or ripped out of old pillows/stuffed animals, etc.
6) sew the rest of the top closed.
7) ta-daa!

i find the butt pillows are pretty popular in those white elephant swap-the-gift kind of games. if you want to get really complicated, smaller boxers/briefs can be made into purses/handbags, etc. when i get the copyright, this line will be called “the brief-case”... i know, it’s awful.
another fun cheap gift is home-canned anything. this year i had fun with my crock-pot and turned out both cranberry sauce and apple butter, which i then sealed in jars and tied ribbons on. i was once given a pumpkin-loaf cake that had been baked in the jar and then sealed. i haven’t tried to make them yet because i ran out of jars, but i will try someday. canning really isn’t as difficult as people make it sound either – as long as you have jars and lids with that seal-y ring thing. just fill the jars almost all the way, put the lids on, put the jars in a pot of water, and boil for about 15 minutes. supposedly the jars only seal if there is an inch of water above them, but i’ve found (since my jars were too tall) that as long as the boiling water bubbles over the tops of them, they’ll seal just fine. after the jars have boiled, use tongs or two sticks or whatever you’ve got handy to lift them out of the water. twist the lids on tighter. as the jars cool, the top should “pop” in, creating the seal. if they don’t pop, put them back in the water and boil a few more minutes.
the whole home canning thing can be really fun if you use tiny jars to re-bottle something like ragu sauce. you can legitimately tell someone you home-bottled the spaghetti sauce, and it only takes about 20 minutes to do.
another easy-peasy fun gift is a fleece scarf. most fabric stores have cheap scrap sections, and if you can find a chunk of fleece that’s long enough for a scarf, you’re practically done. some people try to get fancy and hem the edges, but fleece is really cool in that you don’t have to do that. i just fringe the ends by cutting multiple snips of the same lengh into each end and then tying knots in all the fringe pieces. done!
this year i went a tad further with fleece and made some herbal neck wraps – a square of fleece folded in half with the edges sewn together makes the outer pouch, and a square of some other random fabric with a tiny weave with the edges sewn together makes an inner pouch to be stuffed with lavender, sage, mint, cloves, and some rice. herbal neck wraps can be microwaved (i haven’t ever used a glass of water, but i’ve never nuked ‘em for more than a minute at a time either... go ahead and use the glass of water i guess. i’ve also had pretty good success freezing them for a cold pack.
finally, the holiday greeting card is simple – construction paper, scissors, glue, markers, and a bit of glitter paint are super fun to play with, and if the cards come out stupid, you could always tell people your little nephew made them. unless of course you don’t have a nephew. then you’ll have to make up your own lie i guess.
of course, if the cheap present you’re attempting to make is for me... (unless it’s pecans, which are awesome) just send me the two bucks.
cheers!