Yes, Uhura. Everybody could probably guess that one.

I don't really know if I can say a whole lot about this topic and have it stay interesting. Obviously, I'm a big fat Star Trek fan. Maybe you don't know that about me, but it's true. So ever since I was a kid I have had a crush on Uhura. When I was 9 and Star Trek 5 came out, she had this scene in which she did a fan dance while supposedly naked. I really thought that was totally hot, even though in retrospect Nichelle Nichols was probably like 60 or something. Plus those Original Series miniskirts? Yowza!


[She can open my hailing frequencies anytime]

Anyway, that's boring for everybody. I have a few poet crushes. For instance, Jane Hirshfield is a big poet crush of mine. Mostly it has to do with how much I love her work, but she's pretty cute for a 54 year old hippie. If I wasn't lazy, I would link a picture. But you guys can do a google search probably. (Ok, I'm not that lazy. I did this on an edit).


[Kind of cute, right?]

And she's probably my favorite living poet. I just got done reading Sarah Fox's book "Because Why," and it was pretty terrific, and she also looks cute. So maybe if her second book comes out and is great then I will develop a full blown poet-crush on her, too. Well, I just looked up Sarah Fox to find a picture to link, and it turns out she's not really that cute in any picture other than her book photo.


[Cute book photo]

Poets are really fickle about their book photos. Carolyn Forche, who is a great poet, is using a twenty-five year old photo for her jackets. Ridiculous. Also, once in poetry workshop class with another older poet I mentioned that Louise Gluck looks pretty hot for a woman her age, and the professor got all indignant and said "That's called airbrushing, hon." Oh, I have a crush on Sylvia Plath, but she's dead. Oh, if we could have been a pair! I'd like to think that I wouldn't have driven her to put her head in an oven like ole Teddy, but then if she had been happy she wouldn't have written all those great angry poems. So it's good that Ted Hughes drove her into being a suicidal wreck. Nobody's favorite book by her is The Colossus, after all.

I've already mentioned my comic book habit on this blog, but reading comics during the Rob Liefeld heyday of the 1990s I was exposed to images of many women with meter long breasts. (I'm really not joking. That guy can't draw at all, but we all though he was great for some stupid reason.) Anyway, comics were in bad shape in the 1990s, so I guess I didn't really get a specific crush on any particular comic book woman. They were all written in pretty much the same way, and the drawings were virtually indistinguishable. Although I really liked Domino, because she carried cool guns. The mind of a 13 year old is pretty shallow.

Anyway, as far as real people that I have baseless love and hate for (poets are actually fictional characters), I guess I really hate Jack White. Well, I know everybody probably hates me now, which is fine, but I determined I hated Jack White long before I'd even heard a White Stripes album. Everybody kept talking about what a genius he was, and every time I heard him interviewed he seemed like a gigantic douchebag. And so I decided I wouldn't like any White Stripes album I would ever hear. Which worked out ok, since the only album I've ever heard by them, Elephant, really did suck. Also, the White Stripes segment in Coffee and Cigarettes was fucking terrible.

Man crushes? I guess Captain Kirk. Maybe Clive Owen. Oh, man, what if they got Clive Owen to play Captain Kirk in the new Star Trek movie? That would probably blow my wad. I mean mind! I meant mind, not wad!