I can't say that I share everyone's Ben Affleck obsession. At all. He comes off as some kind of doofus and his buddy Matt Damon (say that like in Team America, please) just looks like a little boy...still. However, Johnnny Depp was a crush of mine growing up and now he's the crush of a new generation of girls. On the one hand, that's really kind of cool. On the other (unwashed, malodorous) hand, it's kind of wrong.
But the topic this week is love/hatred for FICTIONAL characters. I think all of us have had assigned reading in high school and uni -- probably way too much of it -- and I have always turned a bad read into a hate fest, so I thought I'd share a few examples:
1) What the fuck is up with Charles fucking Dickens? What an asshole! I have only read one of his novels (one was more than enough), but the characterization was so lame as to make it unreadable. I speak, of course, of the worst of books: A Tale of Two Cities. I hate every character in that damn thing, except that guy who died at the end. If that's what Chuck was going for, then maybe he really was a genius.
2) Musicals ruin everything. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the MUSIC of "Les Mis," but I also really hate the fact that suddenly, when it's sung to catchy tunes and involves jazz hands, that excellent book becomes a love story. Les Misérables is about hating Cosette and Marius, not about cheering them on! Hello! You're supposed to sympathize with Javert, marvel at Valjean, and get the hots for Enjolras. In other words, you're supposed to be just like me. Curiosity started me on that book, and my hatred for Cosette and that wussy boyfriend of hers kept me going through 1300 pages.
3) Death in Venice. It should just be called Death, because, if there is a hell (let's assume I am going to it), it probably feels like reading that novella. This isn't hatred, really. It's mind-numbing apathy. That stupid book was assigned to me three times, in three different courses, at the same university. And I never finished it. Because I just didn't care.
As for LOVE, I have to confess to this as well. I'm not the angry person I seem to be.
1) Darcy. That is all.
2) Special Agent Pendergast. If you like scifi (I don't), the supernatural (we know all the original SuperGroupers do!), and "thrillers," the novels of Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child are for you. Pendergast is American aristocracy from New Orleans in the form of a consummate weirdo: genteel, mysterious, practically asexual, ridiculously talented at everything. He's the world's geekiest superhero. And I think I love him.
3) Will Ladislaw. Oh my goodness. Politically engaged, artistically gifted, prone to yelling...he's some kind of 1970's cult leader god, but from the nineteenth century. You should really read Middlemarch.
4) Dalgliesh. Ok, so he's like in his 60s now, but when PD James first started on her long career as a crime writer, more than 40 years ago, he was just a youngster. The poet policeman: tragically widowed, emotionally unavailable, and not at all your stereotypical, vice-addled, asshole fictional British detective. (Incidentally, good old PD wrote the novel Children of Men, made into the movie starring dreamy Clive Owens.)
And...I'll leave it there. Girl crush? Becky Sharp.
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18 comments:
I defintely second your Becky Sharp!
I thought the movie was just so-so, though. Lots of weird anachronisms.
And, Jane? Can you add the little tag things? I wasn't sure what to do.
Thanks.
I was actually pleasantly surprised by the movie. I rather expected that it would be abysmal. I personally enjoy weird anachronisms.
And tags are done!
I admit, for most of the movie I was nodding and approving...I just don't get the over-the-top sexification Hollywood always throws at these things. Books like Vanity Fair aren't so explicit about things, that's what makes it sinister/interesting/sexy. Why can't directors go along with that? Why must everything become an orgy à la Britney Spears videos? At least there wasn't any falsified homoeroticism (Mansfield Park! GAH!).
Ms. Witherspoon did an excellent job, though, and that dude from Rome who played her husband was dead-on, as well.
Caitlin you are so strange, and I love that about you! On many points here you have completely outnerded me...oh but Darcy! swoon. Also, I tried to read Death in Venice more times than I can remember and never made any decent progress to speak of. What a total bore. You should discount Dickens till you read Great Expectations, tho. We read it in Mrs. Magrin's (ah! love her!) class and I really enjoyed it.
Mrs. Magrin was fabulous. I didn't so much think Great Expectations was, though. Also... I'm thinking I might have read GE for that utterly unremarkable grey-haired lady who came the year after Magrin.
Yeah, Laurie, you can give up on Thomas Mann entirely. I have attempted him in German and English and he sucks in both. (I expect the lightning strike to take me out any moment now...)
I have seen a Masterpiece Theatre production of Great Expectations starring Ioan Gruffudd (hot!) and I remember thinking it was an ok story, but I also remember thinking, "My god. That guy is suck a prick." Maybe I'll give it a shot again sometime.
I agree with your Dickens comments- I could never ever get into him.
I knew I was asking for it with the Ben Affleck thing- hey, at least he's liberal. And a good poker player. And Dogma was good.
I've always thought Johnny Depp seemed really...gross. Just greasy and gross. But I'm not a woman, so maybe they go for that kind of hippy grossness. You know the best Johnny Depp movie is one that no one ever mentions: Nick of Time. What a great movie. And Christopher Walken! Now there's a guy to have a man-crush on. The Continental!!!!
I remember reading recently in a pop culture themed book that the Lloyd Dobler character had ruined women's expectations of men forever. Did anyone here crush on Lloyd Dobler? I only wish that article were true. Maybe there's an age when women stop liking assholes so much and do actually fall for a Lloyd Dobler type--I totally identified with him (though I'd probably be more of a Lloyd Dobler mixed heavily with Rob Gordon from High Fidelity).
I don't like Johnny Depp at all. I agree with Nick that he is greasy and gross. I don't understand how one could find him attractive. Even the thought of kissing him is repulsive to me.
Melissa
Fun fact: Johnny Depp's first role was a guy named Glenn in Nightmare on Elm Street. He got eaten by a bed. Oops. Spoilers.
I don't know what it is about Johnny Depp. He's really pretty...maybe that's it. He also plays (usually) weird-but-likable characters.
Don't be a scrooge to Dickens. A Christmas Carol is quite good and has been made into a number of decent films, especially the musical version with Albert Finney.
I echo your sentiments about Special Agent Pendergast and the novels of Preston and Child, but I find John Sandford's Lucas Davenport to be pretty good as well, and there are 17 books in the series. The last couple are rather phoned in though. Nelson DeMille ia another great author, and those keen on U.S.-Russia Cold War games should check out The Charm School--quite chilling.
However, I doubt that Mr. Depp is really a "man's man" like Edward Michael "Bear" Grylls, Myke Hawke, or "Survivorman” Les Stroud. Johnny looks great in makeup, but can he rub two sticks together and make fire, survive for days alone in the desert, rain forests, deserted island, or open ocean?
It's a sad mirror to our society when I ask my students to name ten people that they would like to start a new civilization on a deserted island with. I would like them to name occupations that would help develop their new world, but I get Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Hillary Duff (better than B. Spears), movie, TV, music, and sports stars. Then I ask them how long will they survive with no food, shelter, electricity, plumbing, medical expertise, etc.
My favourite was always the Muppet version of A Christmas Carol. Especially with Robin as Tiny Tim. I do agree that it is an excellent story.
And it is true, too, that Depp isn't really a man's man. He's kind of strange, kind of effeminate even. That's not necessarily bad. But he might not be so worthwhile on a desert island after all...Pendergast, though...
Depp could probably survive the islands of the mind. That's why I like him.
He's right up there with Val Kilmer in the "nearly certifiable " arena, but not quite as far gone as Nick Nolte.
I wouldn't call him effiminate, unless you are strictly referring to his role in Pirates (which is based on Steven Tyler, who is DEFINITELY effiminate.
As far as taking people to a desert island... doesn't matter what thier job is, as long as they're all fat. That way you'll stay fed until help comes along.
How could anyone forget Darcy?? I mean, he's almost understood, which is why I didn't really comment, BUT you should have mentioned him, Steph. Also, I left Middlemarch (DVD) at my parents' house. You should borrow it and get on the Will Ladislaw bandwagon. (And Colin Firth's brother is in it, too.)
Oh, Mr. Darcy. Siiiiiiiiiiiigh.
He's the original fictional crush. He is perfect in every way.
you mean rich?
Hehehe. Zing!
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